I have quite a few much younger friends who are in the whole family-starting mode right now. There is lots of discussion of naming the little cherubs. I thought I'd offer some guidelines for parents-to-be:
Make sure the child's initals do not spell out anything terrible. ex: My lovely friend Heather. Her initials pre-marriage were H.A.G. NOT good. (Her mom totally should have thought that through.) On the flip side, there are cool initial combos. My stepson Jeff: initials J.A.M. (musician hubby obviously thought that through.)
Make sure, please people, that you do not name your male child something that will ensure that he gets beat up every day. Children are cruel. Ex: Beau, Angel, Jaylen, Emery, Sailor. (If you must name him something girly, please enroll him in JeetKunDo.)
No "Cowboy" names. Please eschew Cheyenne, Dakota, Taos, and Kali. It's just dumb.
Use caution with ethnic names. Unless the name is completely cool, ex: Shaquille O'Neal, please ask trusted friends if your baby's name will ensure that she will never be hired in a law firm when her resume competes with Stephanies and Lauries. Ex: Shaniqua, Younique. (Don't be mad at me folks, there are studies that prove this.)
Please make sure your child's name will not automatically lead her into the sex industry. For example, when I was pregnant and considering girl names, I loved the name Savannah. My last name then was Sanders, and a good friend pointed out that "Savannah Sanders" from Las Vegas, no less, was a shoo-in for "featured dancer" status.
Please watch out for old family names. I'm sure you adore your Aunt Edna and your Grandpa Harold, but no. Not even as a middle name. (There is a reason that Declan McManus changed his name to Elvis Costello.) Cool "old" names: Harrison, Olivia, June, Molly
Last but definitely not least, do not name your child after a celebrity, famous or infamous, unless they have a normal name. In 25 years it will just be stupid. Ok: Brittney, Lindsay, Brad, Angie. NOT ok: Madonna, Beyonce, Hannah or Montana, Kobe, or Adolph.
I hope I have not offended anyone with my suggestions on how to select a name. You can dismiss all my stupid opinions just by saying, "What does she know? She named her kid John."
just Dawn
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Love it :)
ReplyDeleteAddendum....Biblical names: OK: James, Seth, Matthew. Not ok: Jereboam, Jezebel, Methuselah.
ReplyDeleteI think Bathsheba has a lovely ring to it.
ReplyDelete(Just Michelle)
My full name is Miguel Antonio Guerrero. As a kid in the late 70s/early 80s - the era of slang words like boss, cool, rad, etc - I was proud that my initials spelled "MAG", because "Mag Wheels" were quite the rage among the cool car crowd. (<--That's some boss alliteration right there.)
ReplyDeleteAnd, for the record, I think "Declan McManus" is a pretty rad name.
Nice post, Don.
-Tony
I, too, think Declan is a cool name, Tony. Good call. My current favorites are Schaeffer, for a girl, and Daghmar, also for a girl. Let the incredulous berating begin...
ReplyDelete