It's a Celebration! Bring your Party Hat & your Bag of Bodily Waste!

Happy anniversary of the lunar landing, everyone!

What did you do to celebrate? I'll tell you what I did. I constructed a model of the moon out of old newspapers and a combination of water and glue, and put layer upon layer of the soggy newspaper on a HUGE cylindrical piece of foam. I then put on my space suit that I have on hand for special occasions (such as, celebrating the anniversary of the lunar landing, or when I eat freeze dried ice cream and it just feels wrong to eat it in anything but a space suit.), and then I invited friends over to commemorate the occasion with me - but only the friends who also own space suits and who bring their own urine bags. You know, for when we simulate our flight to the moon.

Then, we all firmly planted a little American flag into our moon model, stood in reverant silence with our hands over our hearts for a few minutes....and then we tracked down all the crazy conspiracy theorists who want to sabotage American history by claiming our government created the whole thing, and we teach them by any means necessary how very, very wrong they are. All in the name of patriotism.

That's not really what I did at all. I actually let people celebrate my birthday, which they did rather nicely, I might add. Yes, I, Michelle, was born on the anniversary of the lunar landing. (And sadly, I think my birthday usually gets more attention than the rememberance of the lunar landing does. Let's get our priorities straight, America.) But! -and this is exciting - my sister reminded me of yet another occasion that falls on my birthday: I get to share my special day with Lindsay Lohan's special day! That being, her big move into her new neighborhood (prison) for a 90 day stay (not long enough).

But enough about memorable moments....Because of my known love for all things astrological*, Dawn was nice enough to bring in my horoscope so that I could see what I had to look forward to today, the day I was birthed. I rubbed my hands together in wide-eyed anticipation, and sat down to read my future! I'm a Cancer, in case you're wondering. This is what it said:

You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems (so far, so good), which makes you a sucker. (Waaaaiiiit a minute....) You always keep putting things off. This is why you'll always be on welfare and won't be worth a $%#t. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.

Why, thank you, Dawn. Once I realized it was just a joke, we just laughed and laughed. (PHEW! I mean, these things are pretty accurate so you can understand why I would've been worried. For example, one time my horoscope told me to buy myself a dreamcatcher if I wanted the stars to align for me, and that thing's been bringing me nothing but steadfast peace and good feelings every time I glance at it hanging from my rearview mirror. And that's really all we can ask of the universe, isn't it?) I'd love to include what Dawn's horoscope said, but I'm not sure how appropriate that would be. Let me just say, the words "venereal disease" were used.

So, there you go. A birthday, a moon landing, and a brand new neighbor in the Los Angeles correctional facility. What a day!!

Huh. I wonder if Lindsay is a Cancer.

*False.