Summer Primer

With Summer upon us, I'd like to point out a few guidelines. You know how I like to help! Here they are in no particular order.

1. Ladies, get a pedicure. Or give yourself one. I'm ok with that too. Just PLEASE do not subject the public to your crusty heels and hairy toes. I know, I know, they've been in boots for a few months. I get it. 

2. Guys, unless you look like Charlie Hunnam, or are at the beach, please wear a shirt. (Charlie, if you're reading this, please, no shirts for you.) What am I thinking? All men think they look awesome....in all of their hairy, balding, beer gutted glory. Gals, maybe we should take a page from the man body image book and ease up on ourselves a bit. I digress. On the topic of shirts gentlemen, tank tops are for very casual settings...beach, park, motocross event. Otherwise, please don't subject me to your hairy back, armpits, etc. while I am enjoying my endless soup and salad at the Olive Garden.

3. Bicyclists: Those of you in full cycling regalia and those of you who are normal. Also your kids. Please utilize etiquette and courtesy. Pedestrians have the right of way. ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE WALKING THEIR DOG AND YOU ZOOM UP WAYTOOCLOSE AND SCARE HER. I confess to fantasizing about clotheslining your arrogant ass and watching you land like Wile E. Coyote. 

4. If you have access to a community pool please make sure your diapered toddler is not leaking. Not all of us think little Brittany is so adorable. Also, I'm all FOR hanging with friends, a few beers and a good time, but I'm AGAINST your loud, foul mouth. Be respectful of those around you who don't want to hear your f-bomb laced diatribe and your ignorant opinions on everything. I'm sure little Brittany's mom would agree.

5. Skateboarders, stay off of the damn sidewalks where people who have jobs and take showers walk. See #3 for possible outcomes.

6. And finally, wear sunscreen. This one is real. Skin cancer is deadly and tans are so New Jersey anyway.

Please share with your friends before a cyclist is injured in a case of Beach Trail Rage. Thanks. Happy Summer (almost!)

Just Dawn

NOT for guys

Bra shopping.

Thanks guys, for tuning in, even though the title was NOT FOR GUYS. But ladies, now that I've said "bra" and "shopping" they're all gone.

First and foremost, I hate when women call their breasts "the girls". I don't know why. It's just....ew. Support me on this. See what I did there?! Haha me.

So, I'm shopping for a strapless bra. Is there anything worse to shop for when you:
1. Are not an A cup.
2. Have natural breasts.
3. Are over 40

Reading reviews, looking at top contenders in the strapless D+ category....ugh.

Found the holy grail of strapless bras for busty girls! It's the top rated! It's a brand I already wear and love! It's pricey...It's $40 a boob. Ugh again.

For a bra I'll wear twice a year? No ladies, you're right. I have to have one. A perfect one. I'm sure this is it. The internet said so.

Tomorrow I'm going unicorn shopping.

Just Dawn