I Don't Belong Here....

I kind of hate saying, "I went to Venice Beach last weekend." It sounds so exclusive. As though we Californians thought that naming a city, right off the freeway, in Los Angeles after an ancient city, built on water, in a European country known for vineyards, the birthplace of the Renaissance, and the inspiration for Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, was perfectly reasonable.

"Yeah, let's just go ahead and name it Venice. We'll put 'Beach' after it so that it'll be different and point out that we're built on water too. Now. Where are we gonna put the nudie bar?" - Venice Beach city planners

Anyway, I did spend a saturday morning in Venice Beach recently, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I'm sure most of that had to do with the pleasant company, the perfect weather and the fantastic food at GJelina. (Highly recommend the place. Brick floor, rustic tables, food served in skillets, dish towels for napkins....and one rather attractive waiter with hair bordering on an afro, but wearing a sweater with a tie. Which made the afro just look "quirky.")

Speaking of quirky....I notced that Venice Beach seems like just the type of hipster haven that Zooey Deschanel would take to. Meaning....I didn't belong there. Technically speaking, I mean. I, however, felt perfectly comfortable, thank you. With or without tights and leg warmers worn with shorts. But I do wish Zooey would meet me and learn to like me and then we'd rent an apartment together and we could just be two quirky, glasses-wearing, single (R.I.P. Zooey and Ben Gibbard's marriage) gals about town, listening to Ratatat on our walkmans. (Because I swear to you, those are going to be the next trend to hit hipsterville.)

Nope, I wasn't going to be run out of town by those haters of Banana Republic and plastic water bottles. Because, by the way Venice Beach residents, I saw a scarf as thin and insubstantial as John Edward's integrity in one of your atypical, off-beat boutiques for $62.00. So who's all corporate now?

Still, what looked like the pages of an Urban Outfitters catalogue literally spilling onto the sidewalks via some "bad" pot, only made me love and appreciate the refreshingly different feel that comes with a city not in the County of Orange. I'm learning to fall for the dirty, crowded, billboard housing, cheesy tourist sights, unimpressed Los Angelians, run-down parts of L.A. Plus, who wouldn't be taken with a city that has an establishment with this as their marketing slogan: "Home of Turtle Racing."

Although, maybe that love for L.A. only exists on weekend visits. It's a possibility. Maybe I'll find out sometime.... (When Zooey asks me to be her roommate. I'll let you guys know when the housewarming party will be.)

- Just Michelle

Grammy Musings....

I'm sick of all of you cool people. You know who you are....too cool to be entertained by the SuperMadonnaBowl Spectacular. Too cool, certainly, for the fluffy drivel that is the Grammy Awards. Hey, I'm feelin' ya. I get it. But I refuse to be that cool. On the off chance that I get to sit and watch something on TV, I want it to be fun. Preferably sparkly, with lots of varieties of talented people, whether I am actually a fan or just an amused bystander. I'd probably mostly go with the latter for this years Grammy performances, but there were a couple of artists who now have a new fan. Stop reading here if you think my musical opinions are lame. Opinions are like you-know-what...everybody has one.

Bruno Mars. I now love you. I might even purchase some of your music. Your soul tribute was awesome, spot on, gold suits were totally Temps and Tops, and you delevered the best line of the night, "Get off your asses rich people! Let's have some fun!"

Adele. Adorbs. 100%. Please don't argue with me on this. I have no rational arguement, I will just say something like, "Oh yeah?..Well I LOVE her!" #whyimnotcool

LL Cool J prayed. Wow. For everyone criticizing that today, there are 100s of Christians going, "OH YEAH!" And watching all of the beautiful people with their heads bowed while LL spoke to our creator was well worth every time I had to listen to the 12in dance mix of "Goin' Back to Cali" in 1989. God bless you LL.

I jumped off of my couch like a screaming Hessian when the Foo Fighters showed all of the little indie dweebs how to ROCK. While, I might add, keeping intact their very legitimate indie cred.

Rhianna. Channeling her inner Tina Turner Hair. Nice. Give me a call Rhi...I'll show you how we do big bad guys who like to hit girls.

Here is where I lose everybody. I hate Coldplay. The only feelings I can muster for them at all is when I struggle to decide who is more pretentious, Chris Martin or his wife. Dave Grohl makes him look like a British nancy boy.

Again, warning... this will not be a popular opinion either. (Please don't work into a lather. Just say, "Well you know she likes Gaga and Katie Perry, so her taste sucks anyway.") I also hate the Beach Boys. I'm sure I actually hear the distant sound of people booing me and calling me some sort of communist. I know they are American icons, blah blah. I never liked their music, and trotting their old caracsses out for a feely feel good reunion made my eyes roll. Foster the People, who whored you guys out for that cheese? Fire someone. Beach Boys, please see Tony Bennett on how to be old and still relevant.

Ryan Seacrest. Adorbs. Mischa, please marry him. #reason2whyImnotcool.

Sir Paul. Untwist your knickers, of COURSE I love Paul McCartney. The cream colored, double breasted, wide lapel tux was beyond FAB (Haha! See what I did there? Fab/Fab 4. Get it?!), the harp player added the classy, the drummer is one of the best I've ever seen, and Rick literally swooned over the bass player's bass. Like a BOSS, Sir Paul.

Taylor Swift. I turn into a 14 year old girl dreaming of love, drama, and heartbreak. I am singing into my hairbrush with every magical chorus. I love T.Swift, not just because I am totally lame (which has been mightily established), but she is suprisingly talented. Besides, she doesn't put herself out there like a total pop hoochie. #refreshing

Lose the gum Adele. I still love you.

Katie. Love you. HATE your hair. Faded blue? Crimped bob? Cyndi Lauper called, she said that hair was stupid 30 years ago.

Adele. Huge hair = love #wheremyAquaNetat?

Glen Campbell. I knew all of the words to Rhinestone Cowboy. I honestly don't know why, but my family was laughing at me. #starspangledrodeo

Tony and Carrie. SQUEEEE! Tony Bennett wrote the book on cool.

Bon Iver. Are you pretentious, incoherent, drunk, or what? Way to trash the Grammys' Lameosity all week. You make me wish that the ever unoriginal and uninteresting Niki Minaj would have won. Bleah.

How did Joe Walsh get into the awesome superstar line up?

Fave Grammy moment. Foo Fighters with Deadmau5!!! Ok, so I am cool.

Lambaste away, my friends and readers. And, as usual, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. (I'm pretty sure Chris Martin doesn't read my blog anyway.)

just Dawn

Ugly Shoes! and more....

I confess to being a bit of a shoe snob. I am also rather judgey when it comes to fashion and trends. I don't mean to people, it's just a bad (snarky) habit. That being said, I am also definitely NOT Superfashionista myself. Catch me on the weekend sashaying around with my THHS sweatpants with the elastic around the ankles in a double XL. This look is almost definitely accompanied with a bad ponytail. Not a cute, "I'm J-Lo" ponytail, mind you. So since I am both the judge and occasionally the accused, let us review the worst trends ever in my humble opinion, in no particular order...

The Fanny Pack. I know what you're thinking...Dawn, they are so practical! Just for Disneyland or travel? Unequivocally, NO. Not ever. The fact that they are often seen in flourescent technicolor makes them even more offensive.

Scrunchies. While there were certainly many regrettable 80s trends, it seems that this one took the longest to die. Ladies had long hung up their Jellies sandals and stonewashed Chemin de Fers (Google it youngsters), but were still rockin the matchy matchy Scrunchy. I still often see them in bathing suit catalogues. Just say nay nay to the Scrunchy please, even if it matches your Miraclesuit.

Crocs, Toms, Birkenstocks, and Uggs. Not since the 1970s punk rock fashion movement featuring combat boots, has their been a more awful fashion abomination for feet. Cordwainers everywhere are dying on the inside. Please do not give me the whole "comfort" or "humanitarian" arguement...no quarter.

(Confession: I own Crocs. I garden in them or cook if I am going to be standing a long time, and even then, I am ashamed.)

Blue eye shadow. Erroneous. Blue eye shadow is fab.

Grunge Era. Everything. Especially the Surly Expression, Flannel, and Herion Chic. Way worse than the fashion crimes of the 70s and 80s.

Ed Hardy. Not the worst ever, but Ed Hardy enthusiasts tend to annoy me.

Mini Skirts/Shorts with Wooly Boots or (gasp) Uggs. For some reason, nothing says "Appalachian Hoochie" quicker than this look.

Overalls. If you know me at all, you know my opinion of adults in Overalls. Only permissable for two occupations: Farmer (duh), or Kindergarten Teacher. (I don't know why this look is somehow ok for them, it just is. Must have something to do with the wooden apple earrings and the Puffy-painted Keds.)

Small Dogs as accessories. Unless they are truly loved and pampered pooches, nothing will incur my ire faster than a chihuahua in a Louis Vuitton, on the arm of a smiling heiress.

This is obviously a short list, so feel free to add your faves in the comments section. I would have included Minimally Talented Pop Stars in Dresses Made of Meat just for Mischa, but I would be as wrong as she is. :)

just Dawn