I'm sick of all of you cool people. You know who you are....too cool to be entertained by the SuperMadonnaBowl Spectacular. Too cool, certainly, for the fluffy drivel that is the Grammy Awards. Hey, I'm feelin' ya. I get it. But I refuse to be that cool. On the off chance that I get to sit and watch something on TV, I want it to be fun. Preferably sparkly, with lots of varieties of talented people, whether I am actually a fan or just an amused bystander. I'd probably mostly go with the latter for this years Grammy performances, but there were a couple of artists who now have a new fan. Stop reading here if you think my musical opinions are lame. Opinions are like you-know-what...everybody has one.
Bruno Mars. I now love you. I might even purchase some of your music. Your soul tribute was awesome, spot on, gold suits were totally Temps and Tops, and you delevered the best line of the night, "Get off your asses rich people! Let's have some fun!"
Adele. Adorbs. 100%. Please don't argue with me on this. I have no rational arguement, I will just say something like, "Oh yeah?..Well I LOVE her!" #whyimnotcool
LL Cool J prayed. Wow. For everyone criticizing that today, there are 100s of Christians going, "OH YEAH!" And watching all of the beautiful people with their heads bowed while LL spoke to our creator was well worth every time I had to listen to the 12in dance mix of "Goin' Back to Cali" in 1989. God bless you LL.
I jumped off of my couch like a screaming Hessian when the Foo Fighters showed all of the little indie dweebs how to ROCK. While, I might add, keeping intact their very legitimate indie cred.
Rhianna. Channeling her inner Tina Turner Hair. Nice. Give me a call Rhi...I'll show you how we do big bad guys who like to hit girls.
Here is where I lose everybody. I hate Coldplay. The only feelings I can muster for them at all is when I struggle to decide who is more pretentious, Chris Martin or his wife. Dave Grohl makes him look like a British nancy boy.
Again, warning... this will not be a popular opinion either. (Please don't work into a lather. Just say, "Well you know she likes Gaga and Katie Perry, so her taste sucks anyway.") I also hate the Beach Boys. I'm sure I actually hear the distant sound of people booing me and calling me some sort of communist. I know they are American icons, blah blah. I never liked their music, and trotting their old caracsses out for a feely feel good reunion made my eyes roll. Foster the People, who whored you guys out for that cheese? Fire someone. Beach Boys, please see Tony Bennett on how to be old and still relevant.
Ryan Seacrest. Adorbs. Mischa, please marry him. #reason2whyImnotcool.
Sir Paul. Untwist your knickers, of COURSE I love Paul McCartney. The cream colored, double breasted, wide lapel tux was beyond FAB (Haha! See what I did there? Fab/Fab 4. Get it?!), the harp player added the classy, the drummer is one of the best I've ever seen, and Rick literally swooned over the bass player's bass. Like a BOSS, Sir Paul.
Taylor Swift. I turn into a 14 year old girl dreaming of love, drama, and heartbreak. I am singing into my hairbrush with every magical chorus. I love T.Swift, not just because I am totally lame (which has been mightily established), but she is suprisingly talented. Besides, she doesn't put herself out there like a total pop hoochie. #refreshing
Lose the gum Adele. I still love you.
Katie. Love you. HATE your hair. Faded blue? Crimped bob? Cyndi Lauper called, she said that hair was stupid 30 years ago.
Adele. Huge hair = love #wheremyAquaNetat?
Glen Campbell. I knew all of the words to Rhinestone Cowboy. I honestly don't know why, but my family was laughing at me. #starspangledrodeo
Tony and Carrie. SQUEEEE! Tony Bennett wrote the book on cool.
Bon Iver. Are you pretentious, incoherent, drunk, or what? Way to trash the Grammys' Lameosity all week. You make me wish that the ever unoriginal and uninteresting Niki Minaj would have won. Bleah.
How did Joe Walsh get into the awesome superstar line up?
Fave Grammy moment. Foo Fighters with Deadmau5!!! Ok, so I am cool.
Lambaste away, my friends and readers. And, as usual, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. (I'm pretty sure Chris Martin doesn't read my blog anyway.)
just Dawn
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Um. I don't think we should talk for a while. Also, good point, calling Paul McCartney a British Nancy Boy. (I'm sure that's who you meant, right?)
ReplyDeleteAgree, agree, agree. Except with the Foo guys, not sure I could understand anything they were singing. If it's called singing. But then I have that old people hearing issue. The Grammys was somewhat entertaining this year. A more note is the Westminster Dog Show this week, now that rocks!
ReplyDeleteIf only Billy Joel had performed...
ReplyDeleteBeach Boys as a band are a shell of what they once were. Brian Wilson is still a genus though. Watch him perform with his band. They can actually pull off the musical brilliance that comes out of his mind.