Grammys!!!

Be warned...if you read this blog at all, you know that I have unpredictable taste in music. Nevermind the previous statement, what was I thinking?.... The only person who reads this is my mom and she doesn't know anything about music post Elvis.
That to be said, here is my opinionated opinion about the 2014 Grammy Awards. I have provided hashtags so that you may tweet these musings at your leisure. You're welcome.

Beyonce. doesn't anyone wear pants in pop music anymore? I mean girl, you know I love you, and you rock lingerie like no other, but pants. PS. Your hair tonight...no. #pantsplease 

I love you LL Cool J!!! Same hat though bro? #mamasaidknockyouout

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. I love a Cinderella story! I also LOVE giant houndstooth skinny suits and green velour. So MUCH!! #iwearyourgrandadsclothes

Kudos to Lourde to being the anti-Taylor Swift. She looked supes uncomfortable though. #gothdiva #tigersonagoldleash #queenbee

The Grammys are older than me. Yay. You look great FOR YOUR AGE, Grammys. #worstcomplimentever #ihaveissues

#DAFFFFTPUNKKKK!!!!

Anna Faris (presenter) #datDRESS (If you missed it, Google it ladies!!! Swoon!!)

Katy. Oooh, I love dark Katy, but the Cirque du Soleil dancers were distracting. Do NOT take my eyes away from my pop princess for one second please. #girlcrush

Is Robin Thicke playing with Chicago to bring some class back to his act post Miley? And by class, do we trot out some old arena rock dinosaurs? Ok no, that wasn't fair...Chicago's horn section is amazing. But really. #chicagosauraus #chiteritops #JKchicagothebeatlesarewayold

Hey...John Legend has on a shirt. And apparently, pants. AND he's playing an instrument. do you hear me, Bey? And Pink? #backtobasics #clothesarebasic

Pat Smear! You just won a freaking Grammy award! STOP chomping on your gum like a camel! Ugh. #gross #dudeyoureontv

Rick, please stop talking to me while TSwift is on. (She also wore clothes tonight.) #imnotreallyateenager #singinghersongsinmyhairbrush

Dawn fact: I am a huge sucker for Pink's Just Give Me a Reason. #crylikeagirl

"Anme thlah huneew aghh" ~ Ozzy Osbourne #WTH? #blacksabbath13

Hey Grammys, you're honoring the Beatles NOW? The last 50 years, no, but NOW? Never thought of it? Huh. That seems like a miss, big deal music awards show. Who's next year, The Everly Brothers? Somebody get Ringo his Metamucil. Jeez. You look good though Ringo FOR YOUR AGE. #JPGR4ever

Thankfully Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons brought the energy back to the room. Woah!! Dawn fact #2: This was my personal highlight of the evening even though I adore Daft Punk and stayed up past 10:00 to see them. #vegas #compton #istayeduplate

Oh wow. This country girl. Kasey Musgraves. While I know ZERO ZERO ZERO about country music, I do know star quality when I see it and when you combine that with kitsch and neon cacti and LIGHT UP BOOTS, you maam, have won over a new fan. #makelotsofnoise #kisslotsofboys

Catchy, Sir Paul. I'm just having some trouble getting on the geriatric rock bus....it's me, not you. Obvi. #soundslikewings #JPGR4ever

Thanks CBS for the obligatory shot of Yoko dancing to Paul's song...we all know she ruined the Beatles. We haven't forgotten. #JPGR4life

Pharrell. Congratulations on being brilliant. Please lose the Jed Clampett hat. Otherwise, I just bask in your awesomeness.

Stevie Wonder with Daft Punk, Pharrell, and Nile Rodgers!! I am WAY too happy about this!! I adore the sort of late 70s early 80s new wavey vibe to this song that no matter what you do, you cannot remove it from your head once it gets stuck. Well done gentlemen and robots!!! #getlucky #robots #france

I didn't stay up to see Billie Joe Armstrong rock the stage as well as his guyliner, but I will confidently report that he was amazeballs.

If you agree or disagree with me I'd love to start a courteous music dialogue.
Happy Grammys people!!!

just Dawn


 





 

OMGsh Dawn...cleanse!

(Read to the tune of "Royals")

But every meal is like cup cakes, nut fudge, butter in the pound cake
cookies, cheesecake, real vanilla, not fake
We don't care, we're eaten' spinach dip all day
But everybody's like hot choc, whip cream, butter on your pancakes
turkey, gravy, cookies oh for gosh sakes
We don't care...we are caught up in a food affair

And well never be skinnnny (skinny)
it don't run in our blood
Discipline just ain't for us
We crave a sugar kind of buzz
Let me be your ruler (ruler)
You can call me Creme Bruleeee
and baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule...
Let me live fat fantasy....

Ugh....
Holiday cleanse....
just Dawn

Halloween Humbug

You guys, usually I ADORE Halloween! I love spooky, sparkly, costumey, candy, and FUN-ness.  Call me Hallow-eh. This year I am disappointed and I'm sure you're dying to know why:

I get no trick or treaters on my street. You'd have to be an Olympic athlete to want to hike the 45 degree incline that is Presidio. Dumbest street ever. No kids even play out there. Wait....maybe that's an upside.... DEF, but not on Halloween. I will sit here with my sad small bag of Snickers JUSTINCASE. No one will come. I hate Snickers.

My son is grown up. Parents of cute little goblins and clowns and superheroes, enjoy this. It's so great. I know I profess to be a great kid hater, but I wasn't some kind of Stepford mom, jeez. Little Johnny and I had fun back in the day. Little J's costumes circa birth to 7yo: Elvis. Yep. Full on white satin jumpsuit, gold cape, and a belt that looked like he had to pin someone for it. No, it's not child abuse, it's just AWESOME. Skunk, scarecrow, devil, Indiana Jones, little clown. All lovingly crafted by his grandma. It was SO GREAT before he turned into a little boy who wanted to be bloody and creepy and have gruesome masks, fake blood, and scythes. Well, that was fun too, really.....

Sluts are Us. YOU GUYS!! WHY is every female costume "sexy"? Why can't we choose from cops or firefighters, or nurses or even DISNEY PRINCESSES without it being a skinfest??? I'm not prude ladies, but I have seen sexy costumes for little girls! Color me outraged!! It's bad enough that as adults we parade our sexuality like its a commodity...and a cheap one at that. But to hand that down to our little girls is disgraceful. Ok, off my soapbox. Just please, please, ladies, creativity over sexuality. And if your baby is a "sexy" mermaid, I might kick you in the neck. Ugh. PS...note to guys, please stop living out your cross dressing fantasies on Halloween. You're not fooling anyone.

Miley costumes...oh I just can't even. Everyone, just let Miley's foolishness die a quiet death. PS. I secretly love Wrecking Ball. The song, not the video.  www.nofoamfinger.org

So this year I dub myself Halloween Grinch. Bah Boo-bug! Maybe I'll just go watch Jack Skellington and call it a night....

Just Dawn

My Legs are Bored

Yesterday was the first official day of Fall. I had a friend's baby shower to go to, and I was utterly baffled by how I should dress based on the heat and the bright sun looking for attention like some prepubescent boy making fart noises to remind us all that he's still around.

Do I wear something bright and colorful and milk that coral color for all it's worth? Or, do I abide by the calendar (and my enjoyment of Fall clothes) and go for something in dark tones and thick materials? *Sigh*. Life.

I'll tell you what I really wanted to wear: TIGHTS!

Tights. Those wonderful, happy accessories for your legs that come out every Fall and continue to keep our boots and skirts company until Winter is over.

Oh, the choices! Ribbed, patterned, layered, colored.... Not to mention the benefit of letting your razor hibernate until Spring. (Resulting in legs that could be mistaken for those other things that really should be hibernating.)

My legs have been bored. I can tell. They've been glancing at the part of my closet where my tights are stored, silently longing for the only fun they get to have. (Because I'm not the anklet type. And I would hope that wouldn't surprise anyone.) They can't wait to sport my purple houndstooth tights, or the mustard yellow tights that my legs told me I should buy. Immediately.

So, today I defied the current sunny Southern California weather and just went for it: Navy tights with boots. We're a whole day past the first official day of Fall, people. I'd say it's high time that tights got their day in the sun.

Sorry. No. "In the gray and cold." That's what kind of day goes with tights.

VMAs. Or, Miley Put Your Tongue Away.

I adore awards shows. So much to judge, so little time. Here's a quick list:

VMAs, do music videos actually exist in the post apocalypse? (1981-1990)

Justin Timberlake. I felt a litte ripped off by the meager bone you threw your bandmates from NSYNC, but there is no denying your awesomeness. No, I don't listen to him much, you guys, but he did an athletic 20 minutes last night without breaking a sweat. Sure, he's no Michael Jackson, but that's ok...I dig you JT.

Last night I went to a KANYE restaurant. I had KANYE and then for KANYE I had some KANYE KANYE.  I sat next to KANYE and KANYED KANYELY all night. A KANYE time was had by KANYE.~ Kanye West filling out a Mad Lib

Is there a more narccistic human on the planet? Listen Mr. Kardashian, the R & B greats that have come before you and paved the way for your incomrehensible success, are rolling in their graves. Even posthumously, they also have more soul, talent, and class in their dry bones than you possess. Ugh.

TSwift. I channeled my inner teenage girl and thouroughly enjoyed EVERYTHING about you!! Squeeeee! The navy dress, red lips, fab fab fab. I die.

Daft Punk. WHY DID YOU PRESENT AND NOT PERFORM? NOT lucky. (See what I did there?)

Miley. Oh Miley, Miley, Miley. I feel like your attempt to be outrageous is your THING, as opposed to your actual music career. Don't get me wrong baby girl, I love you, but if you were my daughter I'd turn you over my knee and give you a spanking. And about that, lovey, do some squats.
The foam finger got to 3rd base with you ON TV. Also, no one wants to see a pretty girl look yukky. Lose the broke down Gwen Stefani wannabe look and stop doing things you will be embarassed about when you are an actual grownup. Like the tongue thing. It looked like a reptile in your mouth. I speak from experience. I was your age in 1984, for the love of spandex. Ask Xtina how the whole Im-not-a-sweet-Disney-girl-look-I'll-prove-it thing worked out for her. Muah.

Gaga does what Gaga does. I feel like she puts a bunch of glue on herself and rolls around and what ever sticks is the outfit. Great opening to this particular show though. Applause. <----i again.="" did="" font="" it="">

Katy Perry. I missed Katy. *sadface* But I saw that she wore grills. Uh...grills, Katy? Please see the Miley comment about pretty girls uglying up with a fashion statement that Flav A Flav rocked for goodness' sake!!

VMAs, In referenc to my first question, does anyone make rock music (videos) in 2013?

just Dawn

Being Lazy Pays off in This Case

I'm fully aware that this blog should no longer be considered "Dawn and Michelle's Blog." (Sad face emoticon) Let's be honest: There's really only one of us who is committed to this thing.

Well, my heart is committed; it's just the doing part that has commitment issues.

So, in a valiant effort to rally myself to write something...... I've decided to copy and paste some of Dawn's best material onto this post. (I'm easing my way back into the coming up with stuff to write about part of writing.)

In case you hadn't noticed (which really just means you've never read our blog), Dawn's kind of a creative genius when it comes to cleverness. So, enjoy this extra special edition of our (Dawn's) blog.

*She doesn't know I'm doing this. But I doubt she'll  mind; she handles attention pretty well.

All I'm saying is that you never see Nicki Minaj and E.T. in the same room.

Why does Minnie Mouse wear heels? She's the only female mouse that Mickey knows. Pressure's off girl. Your boyfriend doesn't even have a shirt.


Shouldn't there have been ONE scene in the Karate Kid where Daniels Mom was like, "Why are you constantly in that old man's shed?"

Hey guy driving the Astrovan...you don't need the stick figures depicting you family on the back. No one is mistaking you for a player. Because minivan.

I only want to see your ultrasound photo if you're having a velociraptor.

BREAKING NEWS! 23 injured while running with bulls. Authorities report that injuries happened because they were RUNNING WITH BULLS.

Pregnant women look so happy. It's like they don't know what's going to happen

I noticed today that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.

I just watched Ruby chase her tail for 10 minutes, thought "dang, she's so easily entertained!" Then realized that I watched Ruby chase her tail for 10 minutes.

If you receive an email that says "FREE NICKI MINAJ CONCERT TICKETS" don't open it. It may contain free Nicki Minaj concert tickets.

Every time Nicki Minaj tells someone their voice isn't good enough on Idol, someone is crushed to death by the weight of the irony.

I carry a knife but it's just in case of cake.

Ooh! It's Oscar night! What to wear!? Oh yeah....same thing as last year. Sweatpants and a teal Snuggie. #notfamous

I Try to Sound Smart in this One. It Goes Badly.

Pretty much the only reason I'm writing a new post is because I have "writing music" on right now that I'm willing to inspire me. Well, that and also because the other day Dawn mentioned something about our blog and I responded with, "Wait. Hold on. We have a blog?" Honestly, I was glad she reminded me. But, just so everyone knows, I take all the blame for my neglect and inconsistency. I think that's pretty big of me.

So, in turning over a new leaf (the leaf being this one post right here), I'm writing. Something. Not quite sure yet where this is going, but I'm looking forward to a wild ride of stops and starts and deletes and the technological version of angrily crumpling up pieces of paper (that's when you close your laptop really, really hard) and other exciting moments in a writer's (I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even tried to slip that in there.  "Blogger" is what I meant to say) life.

Because I'm looking for "easy" and "less work rather than more" as the themes for this post, I thought I'd start with the stylistic literary device known as "stream of consciousness." Or, "my pointless & meandering train of thought." You can go ahead and call it that when you want to relate to the masses who haven't read "Mrs. Dalloway." (Which, let's be honest, is pretty much the only book that anyone knows about that was written in this style.)

So, here's a glimpse into my own (sad) stream of consciousness that I experienced a few minutes ago. Be sure you're sitting down for this. (Wait. Actually? Stand up. Or, get in a really uncomfortable position; something that will make it difficult to nod off.)

"This 'Parenthood' playlist is amazing! This is totally the kind of music that a writer would have on in the background while they write the Great American Novel. I can at least write a lame blog post. Dawn would be happy with me. She's at the Killer's show tonight. I'm doing....this. Okay, start writing. Hey, this is going along smoothly! AAAAHHH! Derailed! This laptop is making my thighs feel hot and claustrophobic. I should probably take a break to cool them off. Since I'm up....Trader Joe's popcorn, please. Okay, transferring to the desk. GEEZ, the top of this desk is dirty! That's what I get for buying a glass-top desk. I should get those Windex wipes. Those are brilliant. And I'm probably getting brilliantly ripped off by buying those in their nice, convenient packaging instead of just using paper towels and the bottle of Windex. I should clean the bathroom soon. (Gasp!) Dang! I always forget that when I'm listening to something on Spotify, it's seen by people! People I know! Oh. Phew.... (sigh of relief); this playlist is making me look arty and hip. Unlike that time when I listened to that one Lil' Kim song. Wait. WAIT. DAMMIT! I think that was before I knew about privacy settings!! Man, it's hot! Gross - even my typing fingers feel sticky-sweaty. It's making it too hard to type. I should stop. (Really, Michelle? That's taking the excuse-making a little far, don't you think?) My gosh! I'm boring myself!"

And it went on like that for a little while longer.

So, this was my return to our blog. I know - I'm not proud of it either. But, it's something. Which, if I recall, was all that I said I was going to write anyway. Sooooo, kept that promise.

I'll do better next time. Or, Dawn will do better next time. That's probably more plausible.