Truth in Advertising

You Guys...loyal readers, aka mine and Michelle's moms....I am crying out, no...DEMANDING a little truth in advertising. Not for any altruistic reason, oh no, but for funny.....you know me.

Jack in the Box. I respect you. You are true to your brand. Am I revolted by you? Am I incensed by your portrayal of young, beautiful women? Does your food SUCK? All yes. And a big HOWEVER here...you know your audience...18-28 year old horny stoner guys. I feel you, JITB. I do. You know your brand. I am not your market. I am not your customer, so I get why your commercials do not feature low carb options, dark, leafy greens, and David Beckham.
Here's what I'd like: MORE companies like JITB. Be honest, please. My list, and Madison Avenue, call me, Dahlings....

Visene. Can we PLEASE market Visene to stoners? Helloooo, Viseneeeee...yeah, like you never thought of it. Scenario: Cop pulls over carload of pot smoking surfers, with bags of Del Taco. (Tie-in, anyone!??) Officer: "Gentlemen, Have you been drinking, or anything? " Dudes: "No way, bro, look at our EYES." Officer: "Good golly, friends, your eyes are bright and clear! You are free to go!"
*Visene flies off of shelves*
You're welcome, Visene.

First Response Pregnancy Test. FRPT, until I see a commercial with two people high fiving, and doing a celebratory shot over a negative result, I will NEVER believe in you.

Feminine products. Until you do a tie in with tequila and M&Ms, I do not believe your claims. We are NOT frolicking in white pants on the back of a horse. We are NOT swimming with a big confident smile on our face. We are NOT hiking and doing taekwondo. We are pissed. We are angry. Our uteruses are being evil minions of satan, spewing blood and evil at the prospect of NOT being pregnant. (Jeez, we can't win!)  STOP smiling on your commercials, being excited about "Wings". STOP printing "encouraging messages" on MAXI PADS. "Have a happy period" just pisses me off.  I'd loved to have been in on that marketing meeting... HAVEAHAPPYPERIOD????  Are you KIDDING???

Here area few more in brief, and I'd love to hear yours:

Laundry commercials showing a happy soccer mom gleefully washing gross soccer laundry.
Kids ecstatic over shitty cereal.
Olive Garden...presenting awful food as good. (Also insert: Red Lobster,  Chilis, TGI Fridays, and Sizzler. Serving middle America since 19-o-gross.
Mini vans. Oh man, how hard must it be to make mini vans look appealing? Truth in advertising/mini vans: Have you just given up? Did you USED to be cool, but now have SO MANY KIDS that cool is impossible? Yeah, we already knew, because...minivan. #sorrybro

Add yours here....
And thanks readers (moms)

Just Dawn