Grammy Meh

Open the show with ACDC!!! F YEAHHHHHH!!!

I love LL Cool J. Same hat doe, bro??

T SWIZZLE!!! 

Sam Smith…nerdy makes good. Yay you, dude.

Jessie J, how can you stand on the stage with Tom Jones in that monstrosity of a dress? UGH. you guys, her boobs look like pancakes. Hate. Fire your stylist.

Pharrell’s shorts are the equivalent of his hat last year. So, yeah. Bow tie, on point.

Did Kanye just get done at fitness 19?

Madonna!!! Living for love….The OG brought it. As only she can. Looked better than the last few times Ive seen her. Love the finger waves, girl.

Wait, what happened to your voice Madge when you went live?

Im a little bored here peeps….

I hope it gets better…..

Bey, your hair never looked better. No one loves you like i do, girl.

Who's the ginger? #wheresdavegrohl #wheresbilliejoe?

ELO. Junior high Dawn is stressing over the dance.

Im in Maroon 5! What’s your name? Not Adam Levine. Oh, that guy.

Gwen is my spirit animal.  Her dress is what id like to be buried in.

Where’s the rock act? I see you, Dave Grohl….

Hozier….(Kenny G hair?) 

I show you my sins and you sharpen your knife….I can relate!

(I could TAG people in this!)

(Katy Perry’s Cover Girl ad was the highlight of the Grammys so far.)

PSA…good, but?

Ok, segway to song….Is that ok?…

But…. I love Katy.

This performance, powerful. beautiful. LOVE the shadow dancers. 

(Where do you freaking apply for that? No, I’m serious.)

Katy. Wow. the white cape dress, wow. You, wow.  

Ok, where is the rock act?

Let’s all agree that Annie Lennox is the coolest white woman ever and I won’t have to shank you in the calf.           

Tony and Gaga.  Color me excited!!

Heaven, I’m in heaven…

Tony B, you still got it man.

LADY Gaga, I love you so much and this is your sweet spot, sista!! 

(Michelle, please suck it, bc Gaga was ON POINT. Don’t fight it.) 

Keith Urbans ponytail is SO LAME. What is he thinking? Did he get tired of being cute and relevant?

Country blah blah country….

Rhi!!  Ok, big all star jam…

Rhianna, Kanye, and…Sir Paul? It’s weird for me, dawg.

*Crowd shot of dude with afro pick in his hair. awesome.*

(Ok, Rick went to bed.)

Were is the rock act? Hell, I’ll take a kick ass DJ. At least last year they ad Avicii and Daft Punk.

Hopefully Juannes is better than all of those Country people. Odelay…

K.

WHERE’S THE ROCK ACT??

Ok, just heard the rest of the line up. Ok, my girl Beyonce, but you guys….Prince…WHERE’S THE ROCK ACT??

Dang. Color me sad, Grammys. Sure I loved Katy and T Swift and Gaga but this year was just meh for me dawg. 

Im going to bed. I will dream about Muse and the Foo Fighters. Imagine Dragons and Arctic Monkeys. I’m sure the Killers are ROCKING THE SHIT out of somewhere right now. But thanks Grammys, for all the Kanye I could stomach and more country than I could bear. 

These opinions are brought to you by Dawn only. But I’m pretty sure Michelle is coming along…

Love and Grammys,

just Dawn

Top 10 Reasons Insomnia is Awesome

1. Getting lost song lyrics stuck in your head. Tonight's offering: Ooh la la do wah diddy, girl I got the key to the city. Ooh la la do wah diddy, can we go somewhere an get busyyy?
2. Crazy thoughts. What if Ruby had pink gossamer wings and a tiara?
3. Doubt and fear. I should update my resume in case I get fired, and I should probably spend some time checking symptoms on Web MD.
4. Facebook stalking. I'm looking at you, kid I knew in 5th grade.
5. I should eat something.
6. Listening for weird noises.
7. Wishing for shooting stars.
8. Brilliant business ideas that I should write down. Tonight: Dog Ice Cream Food Truck.
9. Stressing. Tonight: money, health, kids, dog, weird mole, relationships, friends, family, responsibilities, future, past, aging, hair, sleeping, early onset Alzheimer's, weight, global warming, and endangered species.
10. Candy Crush level 327. Ugh.

Truth in Advertising

You Guys...loyal readers, aka mine and Michelle's moms....I am crying out, no...DEMANDING a little truth in advertising. Not for any altruistic reason, oh no, but for funny.....you know me.

Jack in the Box. I respect you. You are true to your brand. Am I revolted by you? Am I incensed by your portrayal of young, beautiful women? Does your food SUCK? All yes. And a big HOWEVER here...you know your audience...18-28 year old horny stoner guys. I feel you, JITB. I do. You know your brand. I am not your market. I am not your customer, so I get why your commercials do not feature low carb options, dark, leafy greens, and David Beckham.
Here's what I'd like: MORE companies like JITB. Be honest, please. My list, and Madison Avenue, call me, Dahlings....

Visene. Can we PLEASE market Visene to stoners? Helloooo, Viseneeeee...yeah, like you never thought of it. Scenario: Cop pulls over carload of pot smoking surfers, with bags of Del Taco. (Tie-in, anyone!??) Officer: "Gentlemen, Have you been drinking, or anything? " Dudes: "No way, bro, look at our EYES." Officer: "Good golly, friends, your eyes are bright and clear! You are free to go!"
*Visene flies off of shelves*
You're welcome, Visene.

First Response Pregnancy Test. FRPT, until I see a commercial with two people high fiving, and doing a celebratory shot over a negative result, I will NEVER believe in you.

Feminine products. Until you do a tie in with tequila and M&Ms, I do not believe your claims. We are NOT frolicking in white pants on the back of a horse. We are NOT swimming with a big confident smile on our face. We are NOT hiking and doing taekwondo. We are pissed. We are angry. Our uteruses are being evil minions of satan, spewing blood and evil at the prospect of NOT being pregnant. (Jeez, we can't win!)  STOP smiling on your commercials, being excited about "Wings". STOP printing "encouraging messages" on MAXI PADS. "Have a happy period" just pisses me off.  I'd loved to have been in on that marketing meeting... HAVEAHAPPYPERIOD????  Are you KIDDING???

Here area few more in brief, and I'd love to hear yours:

Laundry commercials showing a happy soccer mom gleefully washing gross soccer laundry.
Kids ecstatic over shitty cereal.
Olive Garden...presenting awful food as good. (Also insert: Red Lobster,  Chilis, TGI Fridays, and Sizzler. Serving middle America since 19-o-gross.
Mini vans. Oh man, how hard must it be to make mini vans look appealing? Truth in advertising/mini vans: Have you just given up? Did you USED to be cool, but now have SO MANY KIDS that cool is impossible? Yeah, we already knew, because...minivan. #sorrybro

Add yours here....
And thanks readers (moms)

Just Dawn

Grammys!!!

Be warned...if you read this blog at all, you know that I have unpredictable taste in music. Nevermind the previous statement, what was I thinking?.... The only person who reads this is my mom and she doesn't know anything about music post Elvis.
That to be said, here is my opinionated opinion about the 2014 Grammy Awards. I have provided hashtags so that you may tweet these musings at your leisure. You're welcome.

Beyonce. doesn't anyone wear pants in pop music anymore? I mean girl, you know I love you, and you rock lingerie like no other, but pants. PS. Your hair tonight...no. #pantsplease 

I love you LL Cool J!!! Same hat though bro? #mamasaidknockyouout

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. I love a Cinderella story! I also LOVE giant houndstooth skinny suits and green velour. So MUCH!! #iwearyourgrandadsclothes

Kudos to Lourde to being the anti-Taylor Swift. She looked supes uncomfortable though. #gothdiva #tigersonagoldleash #queenbee

The Grammys are older than me. Yay. You look great FOR YOUR AGE, Grammys. #worstcomplimentever #ihaveissues

#DAFFFFTPUNKKKK!!!!

Anna Faris (presenter) #datDRESS (If you missed it, Google it ladies!!! Swoon!!)

Katy. Oooh, I love dark Katy, but the Cirque du Soleil dancers were distracting. Do NOT take my eyes away from my pop princess for one second please. #girlcrush

Is Robin Thicke playing with Chicago to bring some class back to his act post Miley? And by class, do we trot out some old arena rock dinosaurs? Ok no, that wasn't fair...Chicago's horn section is amazing. But really. #chicagosauraus #chiteritops #JKchicagothebeatlesarewayold

Hey...John Legend has on a shirt. And apparently, pants. AND he's playing an instrument. do you hear me, Bey? And Pink? #backtobasics #clothesarebasic

Pat Smear! You just won a freaking Grammy award! STOP chomping on your gum like a camel! Ugh. #gross #dudeyoureontv

Rick, please stop talking to me while TSwift is on. (She also wore clothes tonight.) #imnotreallyateenager #singinghersongsinmyhairbrush

Dawn fact: I am a huge sucker for Pink's Just Give Me a Reason. #crylikeagirl

"Anme thlah huneew aghh" ~ Ozzy Osbourne #WTH? #blacksabbath13

Hey Grammys, you're honoring the Beatles NOW? The last 50 years, no, but NOW? Never thought of it? Huh. That seems like a miss, big deal music awards show. Who's next year, The Everly Brothers? Somebody get Ringo his Metamucil. Jeez. You look good though Ringo FOR YOUR AGE. #JPGR4ever

Thankfully Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons brought the energy back to the room. Woah!! Dawn fact #2: This was my personal highlight of the evening even though I adore Daft Punk and stayed up past 10:00 to see them. #vegas #compton #istayeduplate

Oh wow. This country girl. Kasey Musgraves. While I know ZERO ZERO ZERO about country music, I do know star quality when I see it and when you combine that with kitsch and neon cacti and LIGHT UP BOOTS, you maam, have won over a new fan. #makelotsofnoise #kisslotsofboys

Catchy, Sir Paul. I'm just having some trouble getting on the geriatric rock bus....it's me, not you. Obvi. #soundslikewings #JPGR4ever

Thanks CBS for the obligatory shot of Yoko dancing to Paul's song...we all know she ruined the Beatles. We haven't forgotten. #JPGR4life

Pharrell. Congratulations on being brilliant. Please lose the Jed Clampett hat. Otherwise, I just bask in your awesomeness.

Stevie Wonder with Daft Punk, Pharrell, and Nile Rodgers!! I am WAY too happy about this!! I adore the sort of late 70s early 80s new wavey vibe to this song that no matter what you do, you cannot remove it from your head once it gets stuck. Well done gentlemen and robots!!! #getlucky #robots #france

I didn't stay up to see Billie Joe Armstrong rock the stage as well as his guyliner, but I will confidently report that he was amazeballs.

If you agree or disagree with me I'd love to start a courteous music dialogue.
Happy Grammys people!!!

just Dawn


 





 

OMGsh Dawn...cleanse!

(Read to the tune of "Royals")

But every meal is like cup cakes, nut fudge, butter in the pound cake
cookies, cheesecake, real vanilla, not fake
We don't care, we're eaten' spinach dip all day
But everybody's like hot choc, whip cream, butter on your pancakes
turkey, gravy, cookies oh for gosh sakes
We don't care...we are caught up in a food affair

And well never be skinnnny (skinny)
it don't run in our blood
Discipline just ain't for us
We crave a sugar kind of buzz
Let me be your ruler (ruler)
You can call me Creme Bruleeee
and baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule...
Let me live fat fantasy....

Ugh....
Holiday cleanse....
just Dawn

Halloween Humbug

You guys, usually I ADORE Halloween! I love spooky, sparkly, costumey, candy, and FUN-ness.  Call me Hallow-eh. This year I am disappointed and I'm sure you're dying to know why:

I get no trick or treaters on my street. You'd have to be an Olympic athlete to want to hike the 45 degree incline that is Presidio. Dumbest street ever. No kids even play out there. Wait....maybe that's an upside.... DEF, but not on Halloween. I will sit here with my sad small bag of Snickers JUSTINCASE. No one will come. I hate Snickers.

My son is grown up. Parents of cute little goblins and clowns and superheroes, enjoy this. It's so great. I know I profess to be a great kid hater, but I wasn't some kind of Stepford mom, jeez. Little Johnny and I had fun back in the day. Little J's costumes circa birth to 7yo: Elvis. Yep. Full on white satin jumpsuit, gold cape, and a belt that looked like he had to pin someone for it. No, it's not child abuse, it's just AWESOME. Skunk, scarecrow, devil, Indiana Jones, little clown. All lovingly crafted by his grandma. It was SO GREAT before he turned into a little boy who wanted to be bloody and creepy and have gruesome masks, fake blood, and scythes. Well, that was fun too, really.....

Sluts are Us. YOU GUYS!! WHY is every female costume "sexy"? Why can't we choose from cops or firefighters, or nurses or even DISNEY PRINCESSES without it being a skinfest??? I'm not prude ladies, but I have seen sexy costumes for little girls! Color me outraged!! It's bad enough that as adults we parade our sexuality like its a commodity...and a cheap one at that. But to hand that down to our little girls is disgraceful. Ok, off my soapbox. Just please, please, ladies, creativity over sexuality. And if your baby is a "sexy" mermaid, I might kick you in the neck. Ugh. PS...note to guys, please stop living out your cross dressing fantasies on Halloween. You're not fooling anyone.

Miley costumes...oh I just can't even. Everyone, just let Miley's foolishness die a quiet death. PS. I secretly love Wrecking Ball. The song, not the video.  www.nofoamfinger.org

So this year I dub myself Halloween Grinch. Bah Boo-bug! Maybe I'll just go watch Jack Skellington and call it a night....

Just Dawn

My Legs are Bored

Yesterday was the first official day of Fall. I had a friend's baby shower to go to, and I was utterly baffled by how I should dress based on the heat and the bright sun looking for attention like some prepubescent boy making fart noises to remind us all that he's still around.

Do I wear something bright and colorful and milk that coral color for all it's worth? Or, do I abide by the calendar (and my enjoyment of Fall clothes) and go for something in dark tones and thick materials? *Sigh*. Life.

I'll tell you what I really wanted to wear: TIGHTS!

Tights. Those wonderful, happy accessories for your legs that come out every Fall and continue to keep our boots and skirts company until Winter is over.

Oh, the choices! Ribbed, patterned, layered, colored.... Not to mention the benefit of letting your razor hibernate until Spring. (Resulting in legs that could be mistaken for those other things that really should be hibernating.)

My legs have been bored. I can tell. They've been glancing at the part of my closet where my tights are stored, silently longing for the only fun they get to have. (Because I'm not the anklet type. And I would hope that wouldn't surprise anyone.) They can't wait to sport my purple houndstooth tights, or the mustard yellow tights that my legs told me I should buy. Immediately.

So, today I defied the current sunny Southern California weather and just went for it: Navy tights with boots. We're a whole day past the first official day of Fall, people. I'd say it's high time that tights got their day in the sun.

Sorry. No. "In the gray and cold." That's what kind of day goes with tights.